I'm No Superman
by Mesalline
Summary: J.D's feeling the pressure of being a Doctor, Turk's oblivious and Carla's worried. Meanwhile, The Janitor's stalking J.D, again...


Scrubs: A fan fiction

Authors Note: This is my first Scrubs fanfiction. This is very different from what I usually write, as I'm used to writing sci-fi for the Torchwood and Doctor Who fandoms. I hope this story's okay, there will probably be a couple more chapters if people like it. Please be kind, but criticism is welcome. Flamers will be thrown out of the back door by their ears though. The Italics are J.D's thoughts.

"I'm no superman"

_Scientists tell us that there are 365 days in a year. They also say that the square route of pie is 3.142. I'm inclined to believe them. Now, if I do my maths, three hundred and sixty five divided by three point one four two equals one hundred and sixteen. So that leaves 249 days left of the year. That's two hundred and forty nine days of complete hell. Why didn't I choose One hundred and sixteen to be the complete days of hell and the other two hundred and forty nine days to be those days of sunshine and roses and everything nice? _

_Because if luck has anything to do with it, and, believe me, it does, my luck will run out on day one. And then I'm trapped with three hundred and sixty five days of complete hell, rather than two hundred and forty nine days of hell, and one hundred and sixteen days of sunshine and roses. And I like my sunshine and roses. And without my sunshine, I don't get my roses. _

_Now, if I'm going to live by this rule, today should be my first day of sunshine and roses. _

"Hey."

JD jumped and looked up, startled. The Janitor was looking at him expectantly, mop in one hand, bucket in the other, wearing a faintly annoyed and rather bemused expression on his face.

"Hey," JD replied. They'd never actually progressed to "Hello," before, this was something new.

It was a while before JD realised that the Janitor was starring at his feet.

"Do you like my shoes?"

The Janitor snorted and scowled. "You're standing in my way."

"I was here first," JD sighed. _Here we go again..._

"No, I was, I have proof."

JD rolled his eyes. "Is that a new uniform you're wearing? And oh my god you've actually cleaned your name tag so I can see your name through the dirt! And what-"

"I got promoted." The Janitor grinned smugly.

"Eh? What to?" JD frowned.

"Head Janitor. I get my own desk. I bet you don't have your own desk, do you, Scooter?" _I think this is the first time I've actually seen Sir Scrub-Allot smile..._

"I thought there was only one Janitor?"

JD smirked as the grin slid of the Janitors face.

"Or are the other Janitors elves? Or pixies? Or, hang on goblins would be more appropriate..."

"You're going to pay for that!" The Janitor hissed.

"I'm sure I will."

The Janitor slapped him hard on the back as he dodged passed him. "Ouch!"

"You've still not paid for it!" The Janitor called back.

_Well there goes my Sunshine..._

"Hey! Nancy! No don't look at me! I need all these case files completed by this afternoon, Ah ah ah no buts! Case files first, buts and excuses later, or, better yet, case files first, and no buts and excuses later! Seriously Amy, I know you have your problems, but the whole god-damn world has problems, and If I stayed and listened to your whiney, whingy, moping sob stories about why you can't have those case files finished by this afternoon, I'd have to stay here all day and listen to everyone else's whiney, whingy, moping sob stories about how they've got too much work to do, how distressing, depressing, and goddamn annoying working in a hospital is, and then suddenly everyone will think I've ditched my career as a Doctor and become a shrink! Now you either have two options, Diane. Have my case files on my desk by this afternoon, or have my case files on my desk this afternoon! Got it? Good, Great, Fantastic, I wish everyone in this hospital were just like you! Actually, no wait, that would pretty much destroy whatever shattered pieces are left of my soul."

J.D. blinked as Dr. Cox slammed the case files into his chest and walked off, muttering obscenities under his breath.

"Erm...Doctor Cox?"

JD flinched as Cox stopped in his tracks. "Did you just do what I thought you did?"

"No, sorry..."

"Is there a problem? Do you actually have a problem with the task I have just given you? Is it completely beyond you to complete the task? Because that's all it is, Dreselda, a simple task. Do what everyone else does and multi-task. God do I have to tell you everything?"

"No, sorry..."

"Bloody hell Is that all you Newbie's ever say? 'Sorry Doctor Cox! Sorry Doctor Kelso!' For gods sake will you ever grow a back bone!? Twelve O' clock, pronto. Don't be late for the ball, Cinders."

_And there goes my Roses..._

--

"Hey Bambi," _Oh, here we go again...I wish Carla would stop calling me Bambi...At least she doesn't call me Scooter Pie...yet..._

"Hi Carla," he greeted, forcing a smile on his face that he hoped reached his eyes because his mind was on the "to do list" waiting in his back-pack. He had a string of things to do, ontop of his patients, he had the paper work, Cox's case files, his own case files, and- why did he have to do Cox's case files anyway? When did he become such a push-over? Was he always a push-over?

"...But Turk reckons that he needs to go into surgery. I don't think so though, I think all the patient needs is- Bambi are you okay?" Carla stopped short, concerned at the glazed look on her friends face.

Sensing Carla's concern, JD forced himself to snap back into reality, but his thoughts drifted to a conversation he'd had with his father not long ago. _Do you still talk to yourself? Jesus I thought you'd grown out of that by now..._

"Fine, Carla I'm fine," seeing her disbelieving look, he added, "Look, If I wasn't fine, I would tell you. But I am fine, honestly." JD plastered a smile on his face to reinforce his words. "Fine," he repeated.

"Alright," _thank god she bought it..._

"Bambi what's that?" Carla frowned and tried to turn JD around, "Is there something on your back?"

"Hey dudes!" Turk moonwalked over to Carla and clapped his best friend playfully on the shoulder. "What's on who's back?"

"There's something on Bambi's back," Carla said, reaching to pull whatever it was off.

Carla frowned, "I was here second," she read of the piece of paper. Turk and JD shared dubious looks.

"What?" JD laughed, taking the piece of paper from Carla.

Turk sniggered as he read the note over his friends shoulder. "You were there second for what?"

"I don't...Oh no..." JD sighed and rolled his eyes at the Janitor, who was stood in the door way wearing a gleeful expression.

"Are you happy now?" JD asked, rolling up the sticky note and throwing it in the bin. "You've won your petty game, now will you leave me alone? As in, never speak to me, or invade my personal space ever again? Purh- lease?" _God he was starting to sound like Cox..._

The Janitor thought for a moment. "You've paid for this one," he said pointing at JD accusingly. "But there might be more to come!"

"But you said I'd paid for this one!" JD sighed in exasperation and rolled his eyes _he was starting to do that allot lately..._

The Janitor shrugged and picked the bucket up off the floor. "Depends if I'm bored."

_Oh well, only one hundred and sixteen days of complete hell to go..._


End file.
